My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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