why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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