guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
