in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
