im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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