if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bring me that man meat
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Shame is for Republicans.
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