i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
