Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
