That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
