and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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