...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize