who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
