I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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