"it" just moved
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
