Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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