I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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