We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
