I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
