I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
