He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
People in love make me want to vomit
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What a dumb baby whore.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
