did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
