so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
