Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
