I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
