ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
