A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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