I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
