I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
