it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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