chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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