Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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