just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My penis needs a shock collar
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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