Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
