im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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