Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
