Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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