she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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