I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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