Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
NoShamevember. You game?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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