I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
