dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
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You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize