shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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