My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
