you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
stop calling my apartment porn island.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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