he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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