Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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