I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
