just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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