We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
