Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
