last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
