i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Say something about gay babies.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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