The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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