Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
