I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
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Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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