i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
