im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
