How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My balls are so social today.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
