If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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