Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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