i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
