Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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