I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
