theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
