So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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