I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
