i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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