he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
