i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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