where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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