Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
