He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
