shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
