I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
