I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
