am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
