i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
